can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize