how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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