3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
