if i died would you start the facebook group?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
