Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
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