well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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