Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
