I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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