u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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