I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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