So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
