I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
