He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
