apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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