I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
