last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
