You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
