Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
