Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize