I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
