Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize