At least make sure they are 18
Why
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
