If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
PANTIES FOUND
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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