South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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