Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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