It's like a parade of train wrecks.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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