I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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