Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
don't judge my taste in strippers
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
