After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
