i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize