LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
