Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
