her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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