My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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