First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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