I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
