I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
