ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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