so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
me + whiskey = a bad person
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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