hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize