he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
