Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
