she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
