I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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