She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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