AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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