I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
