Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
