Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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