the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
