My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
