just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Also, beer. Big fan.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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