we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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