The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
