I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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