The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize