my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
