He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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