New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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