If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
