we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
