Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
