dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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