You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
