so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
