i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
