Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
