i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
