Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
