I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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