shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
