The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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