I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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