just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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