this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
