He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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