I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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