We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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