update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
