I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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