Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
be right there i have to get my cape
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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