i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
