These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
