I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
