YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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