Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
