Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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