She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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