I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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