Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
