This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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