Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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