i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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