honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
