yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
